You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
