no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
nutella sex= disaster
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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