She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
