Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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