remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there's paper in my vomit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
