perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
