I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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