He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
third nipple confirmed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
