I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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