I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My cat gives me a boner
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
