i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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