shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
