but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
