If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
