You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Enjoy the penises
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
