I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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