Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
