Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
