i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
