Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
