I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
