Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
