I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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