Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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