i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
