im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
