don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
