eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
