if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
