South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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