I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
