yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
