I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
