Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My ass is underappreciated
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
