I smell stomach acid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
