Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
