You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
