my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
