i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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