i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
