Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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