just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
