"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize