I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My ATM looks so different sober.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
