tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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