Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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