Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
