dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
