We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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