Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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