it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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