new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
