My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
