This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
PANTIES FOUND
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
