you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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