i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
this hospital has no fireball
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize