WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
