a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fill condoms, not promises.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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