the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize