is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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