Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
