you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
