Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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