Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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