I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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