in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
