Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
