READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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