just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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