He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
