Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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