Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
