I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
