I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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