So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
