are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
