we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize