he thought i was a dude.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
